I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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