Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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