Will you blow on my dice?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have demons in me.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
