My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
