I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I want her autograph on my taint
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
