You just made me feel so damn special
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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