I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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