I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
