I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
now i know why i became what i already was.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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