I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
