dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I puked a lego.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
