I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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