So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize