Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
