The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
