Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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