I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Randomize
