The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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