i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
