: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
