after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
