It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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