i think my mom watched the whole time
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
