so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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