how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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