He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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