you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
