OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
