Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
