David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
