i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
