Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
