how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
