I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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