yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
