Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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