i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
