How's work?
Spinning.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Are we still banned from the library?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
