mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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