I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
