i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She's the barista slut.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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