her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
