I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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