Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
