is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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