Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
