I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
