NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my being single is dangerous.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
