I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
