yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
