I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
