Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
it wasn't lemon gatorade
someone get that fucking seahorse.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
