Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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