Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
