Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
