drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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