my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So squirting runs in the family.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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