his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
