do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
