she woke up with a sticky ear
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
