Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
