is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
