I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
