every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
