Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
