i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
