some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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