the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
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It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
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I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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