is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
