His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
